Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!
Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.
Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgen t matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).
Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!
======================================================
This is hilarious ...
Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names:
Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)
Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)
Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)
Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)
Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)
Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)
Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)
Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)
Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)
Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)
Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)
Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)
Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)
Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)
Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)
Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)
Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)
Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)
Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)
Micheal Tan => Sell chicken eggs (Cantonese)
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
GREAT LESSON FROM JOKES 1.5
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was In charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain....... .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood....... . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the
brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs........ . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it Wants to go.
Eyes........ . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's
going.
Asshole..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 -Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
LESSON V: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE"
Brain....... .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood....... . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the
brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs........ . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it Wants to go.
Eyes........ . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's
going.
Asshole..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 -Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
LESSON V: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE"
Friday, October 10, 2008
GREAT LESSON FROM JOKES 1.4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "MILK" and immersed himself into a pool of MILK.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! .........
LESSON IV: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT WILL BE HAPPEN"
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "MILK" and immersed himself into a pool of MILK.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! .........
LESSON IV: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT WILL BE HAPPEN"
GREAT LESSON FROM JOKES 1.3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way toNY.
When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you
... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? "
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
LESSON III: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE, RESPECTS TO ANYMORE"
When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you
... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? "
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
LESSON III: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE, RESPECTS TO ANYMORE"
Sunday, October 5, 2008
GREAT LESSON FROM JOKES 1.2
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,
"Listen," said the CEO,
"This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
LESSON II: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
"Listen," said the CEO,
"This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
LESSON II: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
Thursday, October 2, 2008
GREAT LESSON FROM JOKES 1.1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." DINGGGG. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." DINGGGG. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after
lunch at 12.35pm."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." DINGGGG. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." DINGGGG. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after
lunch at 12.35pm."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
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